I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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