I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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