That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
