Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
