Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
MIDGETS
????
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
