I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
