Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
