I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
