my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
