i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
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want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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