the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
