YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
