I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i think i just lost a toe
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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