im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
