dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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