So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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