So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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