FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
