I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
