We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize