I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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