I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
