i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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