My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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