Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
