awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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