I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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