Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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