yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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