i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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