Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
