WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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