I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
