I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
please don't ironically join a cult
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