this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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