dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
