So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
