Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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