I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
