I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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