the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
