i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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