These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
