I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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