He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
