You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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