I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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