I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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