So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
