I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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