Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
