Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
