We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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