Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
