Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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