Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
