You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
