that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
