you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
