Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
