don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
