Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
her vagine was all disorganized.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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