i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging