Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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