Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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