Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
high people should be assigned attendants
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
