Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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