My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
