We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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