The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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