Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
